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SEXUAL CRAIGSLIST ADS (UK)
After the Victorian wardrobe salvage saga… After spending four hours in an unheated building. After ripping apart a wall with a toothpick. After loading and unloading a truck until nearly midnight… Paul told me to stop looking on Craigslist for a while. He said I had reached my quota. I nodded and pretended like he was the one who made such decisions. Then I went and looked on Craigslist. I have a totally ill-advised fondness for anyone named Rocky. There are lots, and lots, and lots of mirrors in the antique-listings on craigslist. Half of them are junk. So I closed the tab… and told myself it was nothing. And I was like—look, mirror-troll: Why are you slacking off? So I emailed the guy. Did you read that? Did you read it closely? No there is not. The mirror-troll was like— S. I was like— word. So on Saturday morning, I said to Paul, casually— do you want to go look at something? I think his hair actually stood on end. He was like— WHAT? No, I do not! I was like— oh, okay, well… we could go this afternoon… if you wanted to. You know what he said? That silence USED to make me insane. Not even twenty-minutes later, he said—what is this thing you want to see? To you, this sounds like a question. To me, it sounds like defeat. You can see that this is the smallest house ever. Which did not at ALL bode well for what I was hoping. Paul said—should we follow you? Where are we going? How big is this? The guy said—about 12 feet. I could hear him gritting his teeth. When Paul is giving me his best stony silence? Paul acted like this was somehow not of utmost importance. He said—why did you bring me to look at a mirror that was advertised as 12 feet tall? It was advertised as 15 feet tall. But I thought they might be wrong. To cheer him up, I told him—the guy says it looks like a kingdom. Have you seen the Vatican? But it might be this: Paul said— are you kidding me? And I was like—look at me. Look me in the eye. Do you really believe I am leaving here without this? If I have to go on steroids for the next six months? And get a trainer to teach me to dead-lift 1, pounds so that I can move it myself? Paul has this look that he gets. Because he has to move a giant mirror. I cannot WAIT to see it in your house! I told Paul—my mom loves it! And also why I love them. All we had to do was lay it on the bed of the truck. And then use the magic straps which, for about five dollars and a lot of irritation, will do everything including hauling giant bookshelves up three flights of stairs. Which is a whole other post. You have not experienced the meaning of FUN. Until you have done this.
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