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I'M JEALOUS OF MY BEST FRIEND!
They need to learn moderation and how to control their feeling by acknowledging the emotions and then dealing with them. I think your solution will perpetuate the negative behavior just like the parents did by trying to please their daughter to rid the jealousy. Tough love goes a long way sister. Reply Vinita Zutshi February 14, at 7: Most children these days suffer from too much or too little attention. If the child is saying something, and a parent listens attentively, engages, responds and so on, then the parent can switch off and leave the child to his own devices once this episode is over. This sort of tough love, when practiced over a period of time, will show children that they can count on their parents, but must also rely on themselves. Reply Lisa February 25, at 3: She feels entitled , envious of others, she has become rude and disrespectful towards both of us, but I address it, my husband walks away from it. He is passive aggressive and I believe in addressing every issue that affects my family. But our biggest problem is this jealousy towards her dad , she wants me to herself. Be with the venom towards her dad ,it makes me wonder if I should discuss what we want from her and what we expect from her without him in the room. Vinita Zutshi March 12, at I was on vacation at a remote location when you sent the email, and by the time I got back, it had been buried deep in my inbox. I think it might be better if both you and your husband spelled out your expectations of her as a team. This will send her the message that you and he are a primary team, and she cannot muscle in on it. If you were to speak with her alone first, it might enhance the sense she seems to have that you and she are the inner circle, and your husband is the outsider trying to be included. It must be difficult for her as well, that parents who were giving in to her every wish have suddenly turned intransigent. It sounds like too much to explain to and expect from a child, but I have always believed — and found — that it is we who fall short. It might also be interesting to see how and why your daughter has developed this feeling that your husband is or should be competing with her for your attention. If you can find stories in books, or in your childhood which have parallel situations, and share them with her, you might be able to get an idea of what caused such thoughts to originate. You can then begin to address them. No wonder the child prefers being with her mum. Lisa, my best wishes are with you and your family to overcome this. The knowledge that dealing with this will bring you closer will give you the strength and fortitude to push through. Vinita Reply denise May 27, at 9: Often saying they hate the other friends, becoming aggressive and name calling to my own girls. Reply Vinita Zutshi May 28, at 7: Saying this opens the way for talking about why the others feel the way they do. You may then find some way out. The very real risk here is that the other person may not get it, and the relationship might be adversely affected. But such a relationship is adverse anyway! If your children have to keep assuring the other family that they are treasured friends, then there will never be an end to this. Good luck, Denise, and thank you for writing in! Reply Melanie June 12, at 7: I am worn thin and feel like I have little energy in reserve by mid-afternoon. I can be playing with my kids, reading books, taking them for walks at the park, etc. I think it is a power struggle, but it comes across as jealousy because he is competing for my attention. I do give him quality attention whenever he shows interest and quality space when he seems to prefer that. But if, at any time, an adult wants to talk to me, there he is trying to see how much he can irritate me and get away with it, due to my being occupied and unable to control him as effectively. My other son only has 14 months on him, but he never went through this. My youngest seems to prefer challenging people, where my oldest prefers to be helpful. What can I do? Reply Jared November 24, at 9: Good luck Reply Vinita Zutshi November 24, at 3: As the child grows, however, the reward will have to be internalized, not something someone will give him or withhold from him as punishment , if it has to work. Thanks for writing in! Vinita Zutshi November 24, at 3: Your younger one certainly sounds like that. One reason your younger son may enjoy challenging people is that as the youngest, he may feel the most powerless, and this is his way of feeling like he can bend people to his will, which seems to be important to him. To counter this, it might be a good idea to let him make relatively safe decisions himself, and to follow through on those. For instance, he can decide which of 3 activities to indulge in during playtime. This could help him feel powerful. Another way is that the entire family follows his lead. So he picks what the family will have for dinner, for instance, or which bedsheet goes on the bed, and so on. Another way for you to reach your younger son would be to let him know how annoying it is to be continually interrupted. So you do a reverse role play with him. Say he enjoys playing with Lego blocks. Basically, do unto him as he does unto you. All the best with and to! Reply sharon December 9, at I completely agree with you. However, because a child has no previous impressions, once a certain minimum level of attention has been paid to the child, if the parent s feel that he is exhibiting very high levels of jealousy, it is best to help him manage the emotion from an early age. A parent can help their child see that jealousy is an eternally hungry monster. The way forward is for the child to see that she is being unreasonable when she makes demands beyond a point, and for the parent to help her accept her emotion and find happiness by managing it. Easier said than done, I know. The launch is tentatively scheduled for Summer Thanks for taking the time to leave a comment, Sharon! Mel January 9, at Reply Vinita Zutshi January 9, at 3: Maybe your daughter wants the same kind of praise or admiration that her friend is getting. This would definitely make her want to withdraw from activities where she feels someone else eclipses her. But in a child so young, it could easily turn into jealousy if not channelled in the right direction. You are so right in wanting her to learn at her own pace. She needs to know and feel that she has her place in the sun, just as her friend does. Another useful technique of dealing with this is telling her how practice makes a person better. So if your daughter wants to be praised for her swimming and dance, the way is to relax and concentrate on learning and practicing, so that she gets better. When she does better, she will also get praise. Again, examples work wonders. When she was two, she struggled to feed herself. She made a mess. But she kept trying. And today, she can feed herself so well… Does someone in the family keep comparing your daughter with other children? This might also foster a sense of competition in a child. Especially since most comparisons always leave a child feeling wanting in some area or the other. Typically, if a child is generous, for example, you will rarely see adults around her praise her for her generosity in comparison with other children. I wish other children would learn from you. Reply Jane January 20, at 5: I have a 10 years old girl. She has joined her school renewly form basketball team with all the senior 11 years old girls. After two years, they have been very happy in the team. Recently, they have recruited more players same age as my girl After half a year, one of the new girl improved a lot. And the coach some time because of this new girl, the coach had shouted at my girl for some mistakes. Slowly, my girl had become unhappy. My girl started to say that her mother was trying to bride coach. What should I do? I have been trying to talk to her, said you have to improve yourselves also, and the girl was new in the team and she has improved. The coach cannot say much things about the new girl. My girl and the new girl are good friends in the team.
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