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This Is What Depression Feels Like - Depression Awareness Film 
My primary task here is to try to explain something that remains so little understood as an experience — despite the endless books and articles on the subject. Because if the outsider cannot really conceptualise serious depression, the From the outside it may look like malingering, bad temper and ugly behaviour — and who can empathise with such unattractive traits? Depression is actually much more complex, nuanced and dark than unhappiness — more like an implosion of self. In a serious state of depression, you become a sort of half-living ghost. To give an idea of how distressing this is, I can only say that the trauma of losing my mother when I was 31 — to suicide, sadly — was considerably less than what I had endured during the years prior to her death, when I was suffering from depression myself I had recovered by the time of her death. Young people are growing ever more depressed. Is modern life to blame? Jean Hannah Edelstein Read more So how is this misleadingly named curse different from recognisable grief? Making even the smallest decisions can be agonising. It can affect not just the mind but also the body — I start to stumble when I walk, or become unable to walk in a straight line. I am more clumsy and accident-prone. In depression you become, in your head, two-dimensional — like a drawing rather than a living, breathing creature. You cannot conjure your actual personality, which you can remember only vaguely, in a theoretical sense. You live in, or close to, a state of perpetual fear, although you are not sure what it is you are afraid of. There is a heavy, leaden feeling in your chest, rather as when someone you love dearly has died; but no one has — except, perhaps, you. You feel acutely alone. It is commonly described as being like viewing the world through a sheet of plate glass; it would be more accurate to say a sheet of thick, semi-opaque ice. But crucially, although near-apocalyptic from the inside, this transformation is barely perceptible to the observer — except for, perhaps, a certain withdrawnness, or increased anger and irritability. Viewed from the outside — the wall of skin and the windows of eyes — everything remains familiar. Inside, there is a dark storm. Other negative emotions — self-pity, guilt, apathy, pessimism, narcissism — make it a deeply unattractive illness to be around, one that requires unusual levels of understanding and tolerance from family and friends. For all its horrors, it is not naturally evocative of sympathy. So to the list of predictable torments, shame can be added. There is a paradox here. You want the illness acknowledged but you also want to deny it, because it has a bad reputation. When I am well, which is most of the time, I am I think jocular, empathetic, curious, well-adjusted, open and friendly. I have a suspicion that society in its heart of hearts despises depressives because it knows they have a point There are positive things about depression, I suppose. It has helped give me a career without suffering depression I would never have examined my life closely enough to become a writer. Not that anyone but you will necessarily notice. However, in the world we live in, that remains easier to say than do. I have a suspicion that society, in its heart of hearts, despises depressives because it knows they have a point: There is a secret feeling most people enjoy that everything, at a fundamental level, is basically OK. Depressives suffer the withdrawal of that feeling, and it is frightening not only to experience but to witness. In a goal-driven, work-oriented culture, this is deeply threatening. This viewpoint can have a paralysing grip on depressives, sometimes to a psychotic extent — but perhaps it haunts everyone. And therefore the bulk of the unafflicted population may never really understand depression. In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is on 13 11 Hotlines in other countries can be found here Topics.
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