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MARRIED LIFE MORNING ROUTINE 2017
I give him everything that he needs sexually, emotionally, physically and mentally, but still he flirts with other girls and has sexy conversations with them. He never meets up with them, though. What should I do? Why would he be having these sexy, flirtatious conversations with these other women? I mean, all of his sexual needs are completely met by you, right? If you want the relationship to move forward, find deeper areas where you can reach him and inspire him. Sure, you may complain about it or get upset. Fear that this guy is the one true love of their life. The reality of it is that if you want to mentally and emotionally be in a place where you have any say in your relationship, you have to diminish your fear of loss. Let me shift your attention to the fact that you chose this guy. You chose him — you knew what kind of an animal he was when you started going out. From the get-go, you chose him… but secretly you hoped and believed that he would change for you. The fact is, this whole pattern of people projecting a fantasy version of someone onto the actual person is ludicrous. Rather than wanting him to change, the better path is to move towards understanding each other better. Understanding each other is the basis of connection. You can feel hurt and victimized or you can open your eyes to the bigger picture… and maybe learn something valuable about your guy in the process maybe some need that he still needs met. Some people have voids inside them and they forever try to fill them — with having other people desire them, with sex, with power, with money, etc. Most guys would never admit to feeling anything like that. When you can accept him as he is, you start to show him a path towards filling that void. You might see a bigger picture — a picture of what he really needs. I had a girlfriend who was very flirtatious by nature. She would light up a room and sexuality radiated from her effortlessly. Having an audience was reward in it of itself for her. If I were an insecure jealous boyfriend type, I would have flipped out. I would have looked at her actions as meaning something personal about me, felt bad and then demanded that she not do what made her feel alive because it made me feel bad about myself. It may seem narcissistic, but people do it all the time. Then they shame, punish or guilt their partner into stopping that behavior. Then… one… two… three… five years into the relationship… they wonder where all the passion went. Not just in the relationship, but in their own life. Instead of wanting to understand them more, we want to make our self-inflicted ego-inflicted pain go away. To sum it up: His actions mean nothing about you as a person. You chose him… and if you want to continue on with him, your best bet is to continually move towards understanding him more and more. That can only happen if you drop the insecurities taking things personally. A lot to think about.
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