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Paraplegic Sexuality (part 1)
August 20th, at To you I want to say: Wow, do I feel for you and what you are going through and for all the other posters here. It was very very difficult to leave her. From reading many sites and a few books I realise now that I was essentially a hostage. Leaving that reality is very hard indeed. Like you, I wished for a different situation and believed I could make it happen. Like you I questioned myself in so many ways. Questioned, doubted, castigated myself. At that time, leaving her felt like I had failed and still does. Of course, that was her reality. I had become a caretaker, parenting the alcoholic, and co-dependent although I most likely was already co-dependent. Failed what I now wonder. Her health was not my responsibility. More importantly, I did not cause the alcoholism, I cannot cure it and it was never my responsibility to fix it. Instead, I will repeat what I read on another site written by ivehadit We should not view leaving the alcoholic as failure. This piece of constructive advice holds much for me. Breaking free is all about winning back my life. Other sites also mention how people left their alcoholic partner and after a few months returned to the relationship. They left, started over as I have , left again and started over me again! Like you, I will never go back no matter how hard it may be. The overriding sentiment is: The signs are all there, given by God or whatever higher power one might believe in. At her, for wilfully destroying our marriage as I saw it then ; for not trying to save it, like I was; Now, mostly, at myself, for believing that her actions had anything to do with me. Thanks again to all the posters sharing their stories. It was such a relief to find you all. Nena August 30th, at 6: Anyway we got an apartment together with my two year old daughter from my previous marriage. During the pregnancy everything was fine. When the baby was born I came home from the hospital and he went out to celebrate with his friends. The baby was barely a month old. He came home and was soooo drunk. He became abusive both mentally and physically. What had I done?? I stayed because I thought things would change. He continued to drink and be nasty but never physical again. He straightened himself up and we were good for a few years. We bought a house and moved in. I got pregnant agian with my third child, everything went downhill from there. He would drink all the time and his excuse was that he was depressed because he had gained a lot of weight. I was so depressed I reached out for help and starting seeing a therapist. He stopped drinking again and decided to have a gastric bypass. The doctors told him that if he drank he would be very ill and could die. By then I had asked for a divorce already. One weekend I decided to go see my parents in PR. My inlaws lived next door and I told them I would be going and to please care for my two elder children; I would take the baby. I left on Friday night, but on Satuday late afternoon,my phone vibrated aleting me that someone had left me a message. I checked the message only to hear my daughter hysterical crying that something was wrong with daddy. I called back several times and no one answered his cell phone. I called my inlaws and they said he had taken the kids to the movies. They could not find them anywhere. I got the baby ready and headed back to the airport in hysterics. Two hours later my sister receives a call telling her that my kids were at the police station and that my husband was in jail. He had driven to a theme park almost an hour away and was drunk. He had pulled in to get the kids something to eat and the workers called after he was knocked out on the table of the fast food joint. It was his first offense and they allowed him to do an intervention program, together with having to take parenting courses. I had to sign the paper in order to allow him to see the kids again. My son had to undergo a long bout of therapy to get over what happened. He was devastated to the point that he blamed me for what happened to his dad. An hour later his brother and I found him passed out with the car engine running in the parking lot of the market. Again he started meetings but stopped shortly after. Just this weekend my little one runs upstairs complaining that daddy was slurring. I told him that daddy was tired from working so hard. I made the kids stay upstairs while I went to check. Sure enough he was knocked out and would wake up momentarily all confused. I addressed him about it and he said he had taken some valiums and some energy drink. I am being cold to him and even told him we were done, I told him to get his act together for the sake of the kids. That is the main reason why I have stayed. When he is not drinking or taking valium, he is the best father and husband. The kids adore him, he is funny and smart. I love him but I am afraid. I dont want my daughter to grow up thinking its ok to be with someone like this. Her biological father left us when she was only a year old. He enlisted in the military and never looked back. We got divorced through the military. She has never seen him or heard from him. This man she calls daddy is her heart. She loves him very much. That I have tried my best to give her a good life as well as her brothers. The kids are 5,10, and They are my life. But will they hate me for leaving their father? It would not matter what any of us ask him to do. I have even tried going to meetings with him but nothing changes. I find myslef constantly sick and I know its because I am always worried and thinking. I just want my kids and I to be happy, but I guess its a little selfish considering he is hurting and in need of help. But I tried and even married him a second time, what more do I have to live with. Ohhh I am a mess!!!! Would not wish this on anyone. Jim August 31st, at 5: My wife has always been an achoholic but the last 6 months have been the worst. She now drinks 5 or 6 days a week…wine, vodka or both. My oldest son get depressed and my youngest is a prime candidate for following in her foot steps into alchoholism. I almost snapped when he walked by me with a beer on his way to deliver it to my wife at her request. I have not been to therapy or to Alanon yet for fear that I will escalate what would be the inevitable end to my marage and family. After last nights drunkin fall in the middle of our street, while playing basket ball as a family, I have once again reached the end of my rope. What do I say? Will I actually go through with it this time?
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