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Helping themselves to chips, donut holes and nonalcoholic drinks, they make small talk. An air of anticipation fills the room. A few couples get cozily entwined on the mattresses. Sitting on a stool next to a large screen, Play is barefoot, wearing a white button-down shirt left half undone. He launches into a TED Talk-style presentation with his usual line: The Squirting PlayLab fits squarely into the mission of this unique place. Upstairs is the home of a sex positive intentional community. Fourteen people live together in this spacious rehabbed brownstone; all embrace the openness to sexuality that lies at the heart of this lifestyle. They call it Hacienda Villa. Kenneth Play and Lila Donnolo and Tiny, the teddy bear. Sparksfire, who is 44, conceived of Hacienda Villa as a dwelling for like-minded people. Events like the PlayLabs are among a continuous stream of programming that includes film screenings, author talks, panel discussions on alternative relationship structures, and themed sex parties, thrown four times a year. Sparksfire had just gotten out of a three-year monogamous relationship and was ready to try something very different. He came into his own as his social circle vastly expanded. He even met Beth, the woman who would become his second wife, at one of these parties. While she did not wish to be interviewed for this piece, he says she is very much on board with their non-monogamous lifestyle and takes pride in what they are doing. Not long after, all the rooms were rented out. The residents range from a PhD data scientist to a virtual reality programmer to a yoga teacher, Lila Donnolo, who has been there since the start. She also handles PR and community outreach and recently launched a podcast about sex positive culture. Can I get that family feeling here? Then she met Feingold, who was renting out the rooms. I also really like to walk around naked. Donnolo has availed herself to the communal hot tub, as well as the educational opportunities that come along in a steady stream. I get to go downstairs and have the best sex education available. She introduces me to Elena, one of six Villans on her floor — each of which functions as an independent apartment. Elena who, like several others interviewed for this piece, did not wish to have her last name published recalls that when she got her wisdom teeth taken out, several roommates were there for her. We share this mission. She had DJed some sex parties prior to that, but says the self-expression, diversity and openness she witnessed at Hacienda was like nothing she had ever seen. There was a dance floor with ten shirtless gay men dancing their hearts out to disco, BDSM going on downstairs, people having sex out in the open, while others soaked in the hot tub — all while everybody was dressed up in costumes. She ran into people she had seen in different, overlapping communities: Living here makes it easier for her to experiment and get to know herself, she says: The event is so meticulously engineered that Hacienda offers a sex party etiquette workshop several days prior, taught by Effy Blue , a relationship coach who specializes in couples who want to explore ethical non-monogamy. Blue, who formerly worked in advertising, is 36, English, and a girlfriend of Sparksfire. So she decided to teach the newcomers what she would have wanted to know going in. A monthly house meeting in early April. One of the most common questions she gets is, what do you wear to a sex party? The list of rules is posted at the party and sent in advance by email. The negotiation to strike the right balance is ongoing. He mentions a few of his other PlayLab topics: He estimates there are about a hundred progressive sex educators worldwide, only about 25 of whom, like him, do it full-time and earn a living from it. Do women have an orgasm when they squirt? His data set says about 25 percent do. He touches on the roles of the clitoris and G-spot, how to locate the G-spot, and how to employ friction, pressure and speed when pleasuring. He pulls out the handily detachable clitoris and holds it up, showing the amazed audience these tendrils coming out of it that extend further inside than anybody knew. For the live demo, all gather around a massage table in the middle of the room. Lola slides off her black dress and lies down on her back, naked in all her voluptuousness as Play strips down to his underwear, looking buff. He puts a nice dollop of lube on his gloved hand and gets to work. After some gentle rubbing, he inserts his finger and raises her left leg, holding it up with his left arm firmly on the table. Then he kicks it into high gear, going all out, and she squirts a lot as everyone packs around the table, some craning their necks, watching closely. For the finale, he and Lola pull out all the stops, with her manning a Hitachi Magic Wand and Play working on the G-spot with a metal cylindrical toy. The drenched pee pad he holds up leaves no doubt about what has taken place. Kenneth Play holds up a detachable clitoris during the live demo segment of the Squirting PlayLab. His matter-of-factness about this intimate stuff makes it all seem almost…ordinary, which I suspect is the point. At that, the lights are dimmed, the singles leave — myself included — and about a dozen couples settle down on the mattresses. One of the couples here, Stephanie and Peter, have been married for a decade and are polyamorous. This is their first PlayLab. Peter, a comedian and actor, is just as at ease discussing these matters. He has always been curious about female ejaculation, and recalls an incident long ago when he had the chance to ask Dr. Ruth Westheimer, the famous sex therapist, about it.
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