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Christian Online Dating Advice: Does God Want You to Online Date to Find a Christian Spouse? 7 Tips
I was an ass, I made an incredible fool of myself, I traumatized my friends and worst of all, I hurt that poor girls feelings. Before all that happened, I was an incredible jerk, an arrogant piece of shit with an intellect to match and zero attachments to anyone. Pretty much means my social skills are shit. I get really confused and I pick up a lot of body language, but I have no understanding of social cues. What on earth is wrong with me? Am I incapable of being loved? We grow up, we figure it out, we stop doing that stuff. It is unlikely, being as self-aware as you are now, that you will repeat those same mistakes. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a late-bloomer, or in delaying romance and sex until you meet the right person or feel ready. This means that you are recognizing what you like in a person, and learning more about who you are really attracted to. This will serve you well when you meet someone who is single and who has the qualities you like. I get zero douchebag vibes off you. Some of those people will be women. Consume More Art By Women. Works by men, with male protagonists, dominate popular culture. They acquire women as decorative objects. These are the messages you are swimming in, and they are affecting your life. Make a giant reading and watching list. Check things off, or join a social site like Goodreads. It will give you many different perspectives on women as diverse human beings and allow you to hang out with women and get to know them in your imagination. You need Miss Marple. You need Cordelia Naismith. If you ask the women you know for recommendations of books and movies they love, they will flock to this project. Can you recommend me something? We notice this stuff, and we remember. Or, try something new. Something that is social. You say that not many people are interested in your passions. Have you looked into clubs, classes, volunteering, MeetUps? Some cool places to meet lots of nice people are: Join a choir or take a music class. Volunteer with a theater company — there are tons of behind-the-scenes jobs, like running the box office or painting sets, where they can use help and you will meet lots of people. Be a mentor or a tutor. Are you a native speaker of a language other than English? Someone is trying to learn that language. Work on a political campaign or cause that speaks to you. Volunteer at an animal shelter or for another organization that does work that you feel is important. Take a class in something like cooking, metalsmithing, jewelry making, pottery, or other applied or studio art. Find a role-playing or board-gaming group. Find a fannish group who gets together to watch that thing you all like. From how you describe yourself: Intense, intelligent, good at arguing, passionate about certain things that no one else likes, I am going to make an inference that you are very smart, quick-witted, and you like to be good at stuff and impress people. I want to challenge you, as part of this Meeting More People Project, to go against your grain a little bit. I want you to choose: Something you are not already good at. Something where you might have to ask other people to help you or show you or teach you something. Something that happens with other people and meets regularly, like, a weekly class or volunteer gig. Something that has some kind of physical aspect to it — working with your hands, making something, building something, being physically out and about, playing an instrument, singing. Something where you may know a couple of people, but is outside where your current social group already hangs out. I have already won the Feats of Hair! I can see why this makes intuitive sense. Male peacocks are much brighter than female ones, amirite? When you are competent at something, you are more likely to be confident in yourself, and that is attractive and takes away some of the needy, auditioning quality of dating. And watching someone you find sexy be good at something is sexy, no doubt about it. We both get to demonstrate competence and we both get to be the audience. We are both The Funny One. You need vulnerability for that, the vulnerability of not knowing where the power tools are or where the food bank keeps the extra rice. This is something concrete you can control and keep trying to do, in different ways. Give yourself a few months of trying new stuff and saying yes to social invitations and see if that shakes anything loose. But online dating can be useful for finding people outside of your current social scene and for interacting with people in a place where the idea of dating and romance is automatically, explicitly on the table. Use it to practice approaching people and flirting with them. So, make a profile. Post recent pictures of yourself. Put your actual uncommon unique middle-aged interests in there. Then do what nerds do best, and research. What you have here is a database of women who would like to meet someone to date. Who do you like? When you see some people you like, send them a brief note. Comment on or ask a question about something they mentioned in their profile. How do you think the Fargo TV adaptation holds up? What did you think? You will write back, she will write back, you both may feel awkward but you will both keep the conversation going. A person who likes you will act like they like you, and do their best to not leave you hanging. It really, really helps if you think of it as practice. You are practicing approaching someone for a date. You are practicing conversing. You are practicing figuring out reciprocity. You are practicing figuring out what makes you like someone. It is okay to make a mistake, to not know exactly what to do. It is okay if, after a few exchanges, you decide that she is not for you. Online dating and getting out and meeting more people socially in general is something you can do to help create conditions where dumb luck might happen. I really want this to change in my lifetime, but for now, there are more men than women on most sites, and men are more likely to write to women than women are likely to write to men. There are worse first-date places. People get very nervous about the idea of planning dates, like it has to be some big production. Here are some fun, low-cost first date or friend-date! Gamers, what happens if you each bring your favorite 2-player game to a cafe and play for a while? Or go to an arcade? This is about having fun, learning a new game, and seeing if your styles mesh. You can talk about the performance or the exhibit, and if the thing sucks you wander away from it and do something else. Meet at comics shop. Pick out comic for each other. Go to park with comics and read them. Commander Logic did this with bookshops that were also coffee shops not free, but, fun. My old neighborhood had a lot of taquerias, so a fun thing to do is to each get 1 taco at each place and compare. If you are having fun, find local bar or cafe and stay up late talking and then eat more tacos or tamales or whatever. If you live in a city, a taco walk could easily be a dumpling walk or scone walk or a tour of food trucks. Is there a museum of science or a planetarium near you? Go look at science! Do only stuff that sounds fun and interesting and appetizing to you.
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