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Is This Real Life? Ray J & Joan Rivers Make A Sex Tape
Courtesy of the Associated Press It is usual for the interviewer to write this paragraph about the circumstances in which the interview was conducted, but the interviewer in this case, Linda Kuehl, died not long after the tapes were transcribed. Linda and I talked on August 18 and August 24, , from about ten in the morning until early afternoon. Both interviews took place in the living room of my husband's and my house on the ocean north of Los Angeles, a house we no longer own. The walls in that room were white. The floors were of terracotta tile, very highly polished. The glare off the sea was so pronounced in that room that corners of it seemed, by contrast, extremely dark, and everyone who sat in the room tended to gravitate toward these dark corners. Over the years the room had in fact evolved to the point where the only comfortable chairs were in the dark, away from the windows. I mention this because I remember my fears about being interviewed, one of which was that I would be construed as the kind of loon who had maybe degrees of sea view and kept all the chairs in a kind of sooty nook behind the fireplace. Linda's intelligence dispelled these fears immediately. Her interest in and acuity about the technical act of writing made me relaxed and even enthusiastic about talking, which I rarely am. As a matter of fact, this enthusiasm for talking technically makes me seem to myself, as I read over the transcript, a kind of apprentice plumber of fiction, a Cluny Brown at the writer's trade, but there we were. It's hostile to try to wrench around someone else's mind that way. Quite often you want to tell somebody your dream, your nightmare. Well, nobody wants to hear about someone else's dream, good or bad; nobody wants to walk around with it. The writer is always tricking the reader into listening to the dream. Do you write listening to the reader listening to you? I am always writing to myself. So very possibly I'm committing an aggressive and hostile act toward myself. Once in a while, when I first started to write pieces, I would try to write to a reader other than myself. I would freeze up. I wanted to be an actress. I didn't realize then that it's the same impulse. The only difference being that a writer can do it all alone. I was struck a few years ago when a friend of ours—an actress—was having dinner here with us and a couple of other writers. It suddenly occurred to me that she was the only person in the room who couldn't plan what she was going to do. She had to wait for someone to ask her, which is a strange way to live. I don't mean he helped me with sentences, or paragraphs—nobody has time for that with student papers; I mean that he gave me a sense of what writing was about, what it was for. When I was fifteen or sixteen I would type out his stories to learn how the sentences worked. I taught myself to type at the same time. I mean they're perfect sentences. Very direct sentences, smooth rivers, clear water over granite, no sinkholes. You could drown in them. I wouldn't dare to write one. I'm not even sure I'd dare to read James again. I loved those novels so much that I was paralyzed by them for a long time. All that perfectly reconciled style. It made me afraid to put words down. An entire piece—eight, ten, twenty pages—strung on a single sentence. Actually, the sentences in my nonfiction are far more complicated than the sentences in my fiction. I don't seem to hear that many clauses when I'm writing a novel. That's what Hemingway said. All he needed was his first sentence and he had his short story. Everything else is going to flow out of that sentence. It should open the piece up. It should make you go back and start reading from page one. I think of writing anything at all as a kind of high-wire act. The minute you start putting words on paper you're eliminating possibilities. Unless you're Henry James. Ten pages in, I've already blown it, limited it, made it less, marred it. I hate the book at that point. After a while I arrive at an accommodation: Well, it's not the ideal, it's not the perfect object I wanted to make, but maybe—if I go ahead and finish it anyway—I can get it right next time. Maybe I can have another chance. Something about George Eliot attracted me a great deal. DIDION When I was starting to write—in the late fifties, early sixties—there was a kind of social tradition in which male novelists could operate. Hard drinkers, bad livers. Wives, wars, big fish, Africa, Paris, no second acts. A man who wrote novels had a role in the world, and he could play that role and do whatever he wanted behind it. A woman who wrote novels had no particular role. Women who wrote novels were quite often perceived as invalids. Carson McCullers, Jane Bowles. Flannery O'Connor, of course. Novels by women tended to be described, even by their publishers, as sensitive. I'm not sure this is so true anymore, but it certainly was at the time, and I didn't much like it. I dealt with it the same way I deal with everything. I just tended my own garden, didn't pay much attention, behaved—I suppose—deviously. I mean I didn't actually let too many people know what I was doing. A certain amount of resistance is good for anybody. It keeps you awake. I don't want to differentiate between style and sensibility, by the way. But this whole question of sexual identity is very tricky. I don't remember those parts as being any harder than the other parts. He's the most distinct person in the book to me. I loved Lily and Martha, but I loved Everett more. It seems so finished for a first that I thought you might have shelved earlier ones. I might throw out forty pages and write forty new ones, but it's all part of the same novel. In no particular sequence. When I finished a scene I would tape the pages together and pin the long strips of pages on the wall of my apartment. Maybe I wouldn't touch it for a month or two, then I'd pick a scene off the wall and rewrite it. When I had about a hundred and fifty pages done I showed them to twelve publishers, all of whom passed. The thirteenth, Ivan Obolensky, gave me an advance, and with that thousand dollars or whatever it was I took a two-month leave of absence and wrote the last half of the book. That's why the last half is better than the first half. I kept trying to run the first half through again, but it was intractable. I'd worked on it for too many years in too many moods. Not that the last half is perfect. It's smoother, it moves faster, but there are a great many unresolved problems. I didn't know how to do anything at all. Everybody who read it said it wasn't working. So I straightened it out. Present time to flashback to present time. I had no option, because I didn't know how to do it the other way. I just wasn't good enough. Again, I was not very sure of myself then, or I never would have changed the title. I ask this for the obvious reason that first novels often are. A lot of people there seemed to think that I had somehow maligned them and their families, but it was just a made-up story. Someone was on trial for killing the foreman on his farm, that's all there was. I think I really put the novel in Sacramento because I was homesick. I wanted to remember the weather and the rivers. I think that's the way the whole thing began.
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