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The Impossible Quiz With My Dad
Dear Wendy is a relationship advice blog. You can read about me here , peruse the archives here and read popular posts here. You can also follow along on Facebook and Instagram. She also loves Broadway musicals and reading. She and I share all of these interests I am a year-old fangirl at heart , so we are very close. He wants her to watch history and science shows with him, and go hiking, camping and backpacking. But those are not her interests right now, although she does participate when he asks her to. The problem is that instead of at least tolerating her fangirling, my husband tends to disparage it, and roll his eyes. All of this has tended to push her and me, to some extent away from him. Yet, while lamenting that they are not closer, he simply refuses to engage with her on these subjects. Both of them are alike in that they are argumentative, particularly with each other, and if they disagree with each other or even have a misunderstanding neither will let it go, such that we end up with ridiculous escalating fights. I see his point to some extent. Is there a middle ground? I just wonder if there is an approach I have not considered. How easy it must be to cultivate a close relationship and enjoy time together when you both like the same stuff! You and your husband are partners and your job is to guide your daughter lovingly into adulthood, giving her all the tools you can to be independent, strong, and self-assured. You do her a disservice by being greedy with her time and attention. And, yes, you ARE being greedy, because as much as your daughter may genuinely enjoy your time together pursuing interests you both share, she is missing out on a relationship with her dad and all the things he can teach her through his interests. By not actively encouraging your daughter to spend time with her father, even if it means doing things she may not actively be interested in, you keep her from being the full person she could be. And who knows how their relationship might blossom if you and your husband would only make nurturing it more of a priority. So, encourage her to spend time with him. Give up some of your precious one-on-one time with your daughter so that your husband can take her hiking or camping or to a science museum. She may still resent her father — and you! I know from personal experience. When I was a kid, I shared a lot of interests with my mom, too, and not as many with my dad. My mom and I both liked movies, reading, pop culture, and shopping. I have vivid memories of being forced to attend Cardinals games with my dad because my mom said it was important. I was so annoyed! I hated sitting through long sports games. But you know what? I remember how happy my dad was to spend time with me and to share something with me that he was so passionate about. And to be 10, 11, 12, 13 and know that my sheer presence could make my dad so happy? That made me feel really loved and gave me a sense of confidence that is so, so important in a young girl well, anyone, really. Please do try to give the same gift to your daughter. Make it easier for him to be his best self. Show interest in his interests. Build him up to your daughter while your opinion still means something to her. And relinquish some of your time with her so that your husband can have a chance to nurture his own relationship with her. You may not see the rewards right away. It may take years and years before the pay-off is apparent. But nurturing these relationships between your daughter and both you and your husband while exposing her to things that may or may not be of immediate interest to her WILL help her be a more well-rounded, confident young woman secure in the knowledge that both her parents love her. It will also provide a model for her of living a rich adulthood, embracing passions and sharing passions them with the people you love and showing interest in their passions!
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