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Actually, they are almost the same in the sense that when your husband cheats on you, you also lose him to another person. How I wish I can just tell a wife to leave her husband and cheat on him as well when a situation like this happens. This is what my flesh would want to do, and which I did in the past when I was still in the world. When my ex-husband cheated on me, I ended up cheating on him too. This just worsened the problem and did great damage in me. I want to address several issues in this article. First, I want to share with you some warning signs to watch for — signs that indicate that your husband is cheating on you. Second, I want to give you some Biblical tips on how to deal with a cheating husband. Unfortunately, when she finally discovers it, her husband is already deeply involved with another woman. This is her inner defense mechanism to prevent her from getting hurt in a greater way. However, this very defense mechanism is what will cause her to ignore the signs and will cripple her ability to save her husband and marriage. When a husband is in the initial phase of cheating, he will normally be sweeter to his wife. He may even want more intimacy from her. This is because other than some guilt feelings he may be having, he is also thinking about that other woman. When the cheating has actually started, meaning there is already some intimacy going on between your husband and the other woman, he will begin to detach from you. This normally means lesser desire for sex and any intimate connection. He also goes to a more private place to hide his conversation from you. All of a sudden he will encourage you to pursue a new hobby, go out with the girls, stay late for work, or whatever reasons that will keep you away from him. He may cry to you and tell you that he is not a good husband and that he is sorry for it. At this point he is really so confused, feeling guilty most of the time. He can even get to the point of twisting the story with you so that the chances of getting caught are slimmer. If you are wise, more so if you are against men counseling women, you can catch him instantly at this point. These are the main warning signs that I have experienced for myself and which I have also seen from other women who have experienced the same thing. If you are seeing these signs, better take action right away. What do you do now? What I am going to present to you here are Biblical ways coupled with more practical approaches in handling a situation like this. Any wife who has experienced being cheated on by her husband has surely gone through the worst form of insecurities ever. She will still feel like she is the ugliest and most undesirable woman in the whole world. Guess what the fourth one is Sad to say, men are repulsed by insecure women. The more insecure you get, the more you push your husband away. This is the hard reality that wives who are cheated on have to face. You have to fight it and even hide it. You have to continue smiling. You may tell me How can I even smile when I am hurting so bad? Let me tell you something. That smile will heap burning coals of fire on his head. That smile will make him feel guilty. That smile will surely win him back. The other woman will be smiling for now, but not for long. But if you remain smiling, you will surely win. Other than smiling, you need to build your security in Jesus. Read your Bible more. This will surely help you overcome whatever insecurity you are going through. One thing that will surely make you glow, more than ever, is to soak in the presence of God. Let Him fill your void. Let Him be your comforter. Let Him envelope you in His love. This season will surely be a test for you. You will be tempted to scream at your husband and to say hurtful words to him. Though this is normal, it is not Biblical 1 Peter 3: The advice here is for you to remain submissive to your husband even if he is unfaithful to you. Have a quiet spirit. Your godly life and quietness, matched with your continued respect for him are what will change him. Though I will advice you to make yourself physically beautiful dress more nicely, fix your hair nicely — get a new hairstyle or color, put on some lipstick, etc. Let your inner beauty shine more than ever — that peaceful and gentle spirit. I am not just talking of a regular prayer here but a prayer that releases breakthroughs. The earnest heartfelt, continued prayer of a righteous man makes tremendous power available. Fight for him in the spiritual realm. Cast out all demonic attacks and forces that are lurking over him. Lay hands on all his things, including his underwear. Break the bondage of lust and spirit of adultery. Do all these when he is not around. You will notice that in all these advices and tips, there is nothing that is directly attacking or dealing with your husband. They all point back to you and what you should do. These are all part of your strengthening. Once you are strong enough, then you can deal with the real problem and confront your husband. How do you confront him? Do you ask him questions? Do you just tell him that you suspect something? My advice is for you not to ask him any direct questions because he will just deny it. You can ask him leading questions such as You can investigate if you want but do it very discreetly without involving people who know him. Though he is in the wrong, you are still expected by God to cover your husband. Never tell him that you are suspecting anything. This will just make him run away from you. You have to stand firm. Look at him as a brother in the Lord who needs help. If anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. I know it is hurting you in as much as it is hurting me. As your sister in the Lord, let me remind you that our disobedience to God can lead to grave consequences, not just for you but for the people around you He can still restore you. Stay with him there while he processes everything you just said. If he gets defensive, tell him that he better say that to God. Remind him that you hear from God you better be sure about this. Ask him if you can pray for him. If he lets you, now is your chance; if he does not, then leave it at that. Tell him you love him and quietly walk out of the room. Act like nothing happened. Continue smiling and serving him. Healing is a process and it may take time before you can ever get back to normal. Your goal should be to win your husband back. Until he is back, and until the other woman is gone, your healing will not begin. Although I have given you some tips here on how to win your husband back, you can only do so much. Continue trusting in Him even if nothing is improving. It may also help if you can talk to the other woman. However, if you intend to do this better be sure that you are prepared for it. Your objective is not to fight with her or embarrass her but to bring her to the light.
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