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Funny Quotes About Getting Older
Retirement kills more people than hard work ever did - Malcolm Forbes The money's no better in retirement but the hours are - Anonymous Retirement without the love of letters is a living burial - Seneca I have never liked working. To me a job is an invasion of privacy - Danny McGorty Retirement is wonderful. It's doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it - Gene Perret Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did - Robert Benchley I enjoy waking up and not having to go to work. So I do it three or four times a day. You and your teeth don't sleep together. You try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any. It takes two tries to get up from the couch. Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio. You step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure the street is still there. Getting "lucky" means you remember where you left your car in the car park. Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt; doesn't work. You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there. You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't even remember being on top of it. You have more hair in your ears and nose than on your head. Will claims he particularly suffers from numbers 3, 4, and 5. She got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching. His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity. This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. This man has delusions of adequacy. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; buy she only gargles. When he opens his mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there. How many retirees to change a light bulb? Only one, but it might take all day. Among retirees what is considered formal attire? How many days in a week? Six Saturdays, One Sunday Question: When is a retiree's bedtime? Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch. Amusing Snippets for Those Giving up Working Age is important only if you're wine or cheese - Unknown My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty, and that's the law - Jerry Seinfeld There is no sense in being pessimistic. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull But that's not the worst of it My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently But here's the worst of it: Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter:
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