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BEING A HUGE DICK TO TRIP AND GRACE - Facade
On a rainy Sunday morning 15 years ago, as Angel and I were struggling to cope with the recent, back-to-back deaths of two loved ones, I sat down at the kitchen table and had a full-blown intervention with myself. I read through hundreds of archived entries in five different journals I had kept over the years. Specifically, I was looking for all the unfulfilled goals, dreams and visions for the future I had jotted down along the way. I was in line. And I was utterly distracted from what matters most in life. But, fast forward to today, and as I awoke this morning I marveled at my life. I tell you this because I know life can get crazy. Sometimes it gets so busy and difficult that we forget how important it is to actually listen to ourselves. We fill our calendars, our social media feeds, and our days with various forms of distraction, just to avoid doing the little uncomfortable things required to get us from where we are to where we hope to be. The instant we feel a bit of discomfort, we run off in the direction of the nearest shiny object that catches our attention. And this habit gradually dismantles our best intentions and our true potential. Yes, most of us suffer from a severe misalignment of our priorities, even though, deep down, we know our lives are quickly passing us by. Just as I have turned things around for myself, I know hundreds of other people who have done the same. Through a decade of coaching our students and our live seminar attendees , Angel and I have witnessed people reinventing themselves at all ages—year-olds starting families, year-olds graduating from college for the first time, year-olds starting successful businesses, and so forth. How did we all do it? This transition, of course, takes practice. We think we need all those text messages, social updates, memes, and perfect Instagram pics. Figure out where your time goes, and remove distractions. A good place to start? Learn to be more human again. If you are constantly attached to your smartphone and only listening with your ears as your eyes check for the next social update, you are ripping yourself off of actually experiencing real relationships and real life. The same is true for texting too. Let this be your wake-up call! We reject situations, people, and even ourselves, because we feel like none of it is enough for us right now. But what if we did the opposite? What if we accepted this moment, and everything and everyone in it including ourselves , as exactly enough? What if we admitted that life is slipping away right now, and saw the fleeting time we have as enough, without needing to share it on social media or capture it or filter it in any way? What if we paused right now, and saw everything with perfect clarity and no distractions? Keep thinking about it… Would we have more beautiful stories to cherish and share? I think we would. And thus, I think now is the best time to pay attention. Now is the best time to look around and be grateful—for our health, our homes, our families, our friends, and our momentary opportunities. Nothing else will matter as much when we look back someday. We think we need more approval from the masses. We worry about what other people think of us. We worry about our appearance. We worry if he likes that other woman. And of course, we worry about all those foolish, thoughtless things someone once said about us. And social media—with its culture of getting us to seek constant approval with virtual likes and hearts—with its endless highlight reel of perfect bodies and epic travels—it only intensifies the problem. Leave plenty of time for the people and projects that matter most to you. Your time is extremely limited, and sooner or later you just want more of it with the select few people and projects that make you smile for all the right reasons. To never sacrifice who you are, or who you aspire to be, because someone on the internet has a problem with it. To love who you are inside and out as you push forward. And to realize once and for all that no one else has the power to make you feel small unless you give them that power. Of course, sometimes the pressure and dysfunctional judgements coming from peers, work, and society in general is enough to make us feel completely broken inside. We think we need to engage in the daily drama that seems so significant. Just a momentary rise in our blood pressure for all the wrong reasons. In a nutshell, most drama is simply the consequence of our inner resistance to outer incidents. And yes, we all do this to ourselves sometimes. Why do we get so easily stressed out and sucked into needless drama? So our inner resistance begins to boil over. Our attachment to our ideals—our resistance to accept things as they are—stirs stress in our minds and drama in our lives. So we blame others for it… and then we engage in even more of it! Turn to it, and welcome it. Smile, and give what you feel your full presence. Notice the feeling in your body. Where is the feeling situated, and what unique qualities does it have? Notice the tension in your body, and also in your mind, that arises from this feeling. Try relaxing the tense parts of your body. Then relax the tense parts of your mind. Do so by focusing on your breath: Close your eyes, breathe in and feel it, breathe out and feel it, again and again, until you feel more relaxed. In this more relaxed state, find some quiet space within yourself. Take time to just sit with the inner peace these two simple rediscoveries bring. This is the practice of letting go of drama, and simply accepting this moment as it is, and yourself as you are. You can do this anytime, wherever you are. You can practice focusing on the goodness in others as well. Seeing the goodness in your challenges and relationships and work, and so on and so forth. You can build a healthy daily ritual of stopping the needless drama in your life, and rediscovering the peace and joy and love that are always just a few thoughts away. We think we need another comfortable, leisurely day. A comfortable, leisurely day sounds nice, for a moment. Truth be told, the most common and destructive addiction in the world is the draw of comfort. Why pursue growth when you already have television channels, YouTube and a recliner? Just pass the dip and lose yourself in a trance. Living is about learning and growing through excitement and discomfort. In the end, you can spend your life feeling sorry for yourself, cowering in the comfort of a recliner, wondering why there are so many problems out in the real world, or you can be thankful that you are strong enough to endure them. It just depends on your mindset. The obvious first step in this arena, though, is convincing yourself to get up and do the uncomfortable things that need to be done. Think about it… How many times over the past year has the psychological draw of comfort plagued your best intentions? How many workouts have you missed because your mind, not your body, told you that you were too tired? In the past year alone the answer to all three questions is probably dozens for most people, including myself. And these questions can be easily reworked and applied to various areas of our lives too. The bottom line is that the draw of comfort—a common weakness of the mind—combined with lack of action, absolutely devastates our potential. When we avoid discomfort, nothing worthwhile gets done. And the only way to fix this predicament is daily practice. Your mind needs to be exercised to gain strength. It needs to be worked on a daily basis to grow. So, my challenge to you starting today is this: Choose to go to the gym when it would be more comfortable to sleep in. Choose to do the tenth rep when it would be more comfortable to quit at nine. Choose to create something special when it would be more comfortable to consume something mediocre. Choose to raise your hand and ask that extra question when it would be more comfortable to stay silent. Choose to stand your ground when it would be more comfortable to fit in. Just keep proving to yourself in lots of little ways, every day, that you have the guts to get up, get in the ring, and fight for the life you are capable of living. None of us are above this stuff. Sometimes we let our weak impulses get the best of us. And it takes practice just to realize this, and then even more practice, still, to get ourselves back on track. I sincerely hope you will practice along with us. Which point mentioned above resonates with you the most today, and why?
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