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5 Possible Outcomes to Expect When You Reject or Ignore a Narcissist (Self-Help for Codependency)
Flattery towards people who admire and affirm them narcissistic supply Detesting those who do not admire them narcissistic abuse Using other people without considering the cost of doing so Pretending to be more important than they actually are Bragging subtly but persistently and exaggerating their achievements Claiming to be an "expert" at many things Inability to view the world from the perspective of other people Denial of remorse and gratitude These criteria have been criticized because they presume a knowledge of intention for example, the phrase "pretending to be". Thus classification requires assumptions which need to be tested before they can be asserted as fact, especially considering multiple explanations could be made as to why a person exhibits these behaviors. Masterson identified what they called the seven deadly sins of narcissism: Shame is the feeling that lurks beneath all unhealthy narcissism, and the inability to process shame in healthy ways. Narcissists see themselves as perfect, using distortion and illusion known as magical thinking. They also use projection to "dump" shame onto others. A narcissist who is feeling deflated may "reinflate" their sense of self-importance by diminishing, debasing, or degrading somebody else. A narcissist may secure a sense of superiority in the face of another person's ability by using contempt to minimize the other person or their achievements. Narcissists hold unreasonable expectations of particularly favorable treatment and automatic compliance because they consider themselves special. Failure to comply is considered an attack on their superiority, and the perpetrator is considered an "awkward" or "difficult" person. Defiance of their will is a narcissistic injury that can trigger narcissistic rage. Can take many forms but always involves the exploitation of others without regard for their feelings or interests. Often the other person is in a subservient position where resistance would be difficult or even impossible. Sometimes the subservience is not so much real as assumed. Narcissists do not recognize that they have boundaries and that others are separate and are not extensions of themselves. Others either exist to meet their needs or may as well not exist at all. Those who provide narcissistic supply to the narcissist are treated as if they are part of the narcissist and are expected to live up to those expectations. In the mind of a narcissist, there is no boundary between self and other. Clinical and research aspects[ edit ] Narcissistic personality disorder[ edit ] Main article: The general move towards a dimensional personality trait-based view of the Personality Disorders has been maintained. Some narcissists may have a limited or minimal capability to experience emotions. There are no clear treatment strategies for NPD,  neither medication, nor Psychotherapy. She did not see narcissistic needs and tendencies as inherent in human nature. Freud said that narcissism was an original state from which the individual develops the love object. Compared to neutral observers, parents tend to overvalue the qualities of their child. When parents act in an extreme opposite style and the child is rejected or inconsistently reinforced depending on the mood of the parent, the self-needs of the child are not met. First, how do we differentiate between the concepts of narcissism and egoism? Well, narcissism, I believe, is the libidinal complement to egoism. When we speak of egoism, we have in view only the individual's advantage; when we talk of narcissism we are also taking his libidinal satisfaction into account. As practical motives the two can be traced separately for quite a distance. It is possible to be absolutely egoistic and yet maintain powerful object-cathexes, in so far as libidinal satisfaction in relation to the object forms part of the ego's needs. In that case, egoism will see to it that striving for the object involves no damage to the ego. It is possible to be egoistic and at the same time to be excessively narcissistic—that is to say, to have very little need for an object, whether, once more, for the purpose of direct sexual satisfaction, or in connection with the higher aspirations, derived from sexual need, which we are occasionally in the habit of contrasting with 'sensuality' under the name of 'love'. In all these connections egoism is what is self-evident and constant, while narcissism is the variable element. The opposite to egoism, altruism, does not, as a concept, coincide with libidinal object-cathexis, but is distinguished from it by the absence of longings for sexual satisfaction. When someone is completely in love, however, altruism converges with libidinal object-cathexis. As a rule the sexual object attracts a portion of the ego's narcissism to itself, and this becomes noticeable as what is known as the 'sexual overvaluation' of the object. If in addition there is an altruistic transposition of egoism on to the sexual object, the object becomes supremely powerful; it has, as it were, absorbed the ego. The individual first has a non-ambivalent relations of fusion with authority or love figures, which are characterized by the egoistic or altruistic drives. Second, the individual can move to defusion from authority or love figures which leads to repetitions of ambivalent, narcissistic or echoistic relations. In the third movement the individual becomes the dead or absent parental figure that never returned love to the echoist, or the perfect, grandiose parental figure in narcissism. Pederson has two types of echoists: The subject altruist is self-effacing, a people pleaser, and sacrifices her desire to help others who are outsiders become insiders, or to be the submissive helper of an insider. The object altruist is gregarious, a people person, and wants to be interesting which is based on wanting to fit in and not be an outsider or wanting to be unique as an insider. Both types of echoists show issues with being submissive, having problems saying no, and avoiding conflict. Eventually, however, the individual must love the other, "the object love to not become ill". The individual becomes ill as a result of the frustration created when he is unable to love the object. The clinical theorists Kernberg , Kohut and Theodore Millon all saw pathological narcissism as a possible outcome in response to unempathic and inconsistent early childhood interactions. They suggested that narcissists try to compensate in adult relationships. Healthy narcissism has been suggested to be correlated with good psychological health. Self-esteem works as a mediator between narcissism and psychological health. Therefore, because of their elevated self-esteem, deriving from self-perceptions of competence and likability, high narcissists are relatively free of worry and gloom. In certain social contexts such as initiating social relationships, and with certain outcome variables, such as feeling good about oneself, healthy narcissism can be helpful. In other contexts, such as maintaining long-term relationships and with outcome variables, such as accurate self-knowledge, healthy narcissism can be unhelpful. Thus, the NPI is often said to measure "normal" or "subclinical" borderline narcissism i. Millon Clinical Multiaxial Inventory[ edit ] Main article: In other words, the NPI measures "normal" narcissism; i. These two approaches differ in their view of narcissism, with the former treating it as a disorder, thus as discrete, and the latter treating it as a personality trait , thus as a continuum. These two strands of research tend loosely to stand in a divergent relation to one another, although they converge in places. Campbell and Foster  review the literature on narcissism. They argue that narcissists possess the following "basic ingredients": Narcissists think they are better than others. Narcissists' views tend to be contrary to reality. In measures that compare self-report to objective measures, narcissists' self-views tend to be greatly exaggerated. Narcissists' views tend to be most exaggerated in the agentic domain, relative to the communion domain. Narcissists perceive themselves to be unique and special people. Research upon narcissists' behaviour in resource dilemmas supports the case for narcissists as being selfish. Narcissists are oriented towards success by being, for example, approach oriented. Campbell and Foster argue that self-regulatory strategies are of paramount importance to understanding narcissism. It comes in both intra-psychic, such as blaming a situation rather than self for failure, and interpersonal forms, such as using a relationship to serve one's own self. In each experiment, participants took part in an achievement task, following which they were provided with false feedback; it was either bogus success or failure. The study found that both narcissists and non-narcissists self-enhanced, but non-narcissists showed more flexibility in doing so. Participants were measured on both a comparative and a non-comparative self-enhancement strategy. Both narcissists and non-narcissists employed the non-comparative strategy similarly; however, narcissists were found to be more self-serving with the comparative strategy, employing it far more than non-narcissists, suggesting a greater rigidity in their self-enhancement. When narcissists receive negative feedback that threatens the self, they self-enhance at all costs, but non-narcissists tend to have limits. Sorokowski's study showed that this relationship was stronger among men than women. The study subjects were volunteer twin pairs ninety identical, eighty-five fraternal drawn from the general population. Each twin completed a questionnaire that assessed eighteen dimensions of personality disorder. The authors estimated the heritability of each dimension of personality by standard methods, thus providing estimates of the relative contributions of genetic and environmental causation. Of the eighteen personality dimensions, narcissism was found to have the highest heritability 0. Of the other dimensions of personality, only four were found to have heritability coefficients of greater than 0. Stigmatising attitude towards psychiatric illness[ edit ] Arikan found that a stigmatising attitude to psychiatric patients is associated with narcissistic personality traits. Evidence for assortative mating among humans is well established; humans mate assortatively regarding age, IQ, height, weight, nationality, educational and occupational level, physical and personality characteristics, and family relatedness. Narcissistic supply Narcissistic supply is a concept introduced into psychoanalytic theory by Otto Fenichel in , to describe a type of admiration , interpersonal support or sustenance drawn by an individual from his or her environment and essential to their self-esteem. Narcissistic rage and narcissistic injury[ edit ] Main article: Narcissistic rage and narcissistic injury Narcissistic rage is a reaction to narcissistic injury, which is a perceived threat to a narcissist's self-esteem or self-worth. Narcissistic injury and narcissistic scar are terms used by Sigmund Freud in the s. Narcissistic wound and narcissistic blow are other, almost interchangeable, terms. Narcissistic rage occurs on a continuum from aloofness, to expressions of mild irritation or annoyance, to serious outbursts, including violent attacks. They may also be seen in catatonic , paranoid delusion , and depressive episodes. The first layer of rage can be thought of as a constant anger towards someone else, with the second layer being a self-aimed anger. Narcissistic defences Narcissistic defences are those processes whereby the idealized aspects of the self are preserved, and its limitations denied. Narcissistic abuse Narcissistic abuse was originally just defined as a specific form of emotional abuse of children by narcissistic parents — parents who require the child to give up their own wants and feelings in order to serve the parent's needs for esteem. An adult who is or has been in a relationship with a narcissist likely struggles with not knowing what constitutes a "normal" relationship. Masterson proposed two categories for pathological narcissism, exhibitionist and closet. The exhibitionist narcissist is the one described in DSM-IV and differs from the closet narcissist in several important ways. The closet narcissist is more likely to be described as having a deflated, inadequate self-perception and greater awareness of emptiness within. The exhibitionist narcissist would be described as having an inflated, grandiose self-perception with little or no conscious awareness of the emptiness within. Such a person would assume that this condition was normal and that others were just like him.
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