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Religion: Crash Course Sociology #39
Toggle Search Chapter 09 - Marriage and Other Long-Term Relationships As was mentioned in Chapter 6, a couple is simply a pair of people who identify themselves in terms of belonging together, trusting one another, and having a unique relationship, separate from all others. A "We" is close to the same thing, yet it focuses on the relationship as an entity in itself. A "We" as shown in Figure 1 is a married couple, but it can also include cohabiters or other intimate non-married couple arrangements. This is a relationship that is not intimately connected to any other relationships at the same profound level as these two partners are connected to one another. A "We" is much like a vehicle relationship that two people purchased together. Both have to put in maintenance. Both have to care for it and treat it in such a way that it runs for a long time. Sometimes, spouses or partners attack their mates in such a way that the other's trust is harmed or damaged. A "We" is the social and emotional boundary a couple establishes when they decide to become a couple. This boundary includes only the husband and wife. It purposefully excludes the children, extended family, co-workers, and friends. Most couples who establish a strong marital bond have successfully distinguished themselves as a "We" and partially disengaged from the existing relationships of child, grandchild, best friends, etc. That is not to say that you cut your parents, relatives, and other friends off. This also means making certain things into Spouse-only Issues, which are the decisions, advice, and discussion that are held exclusively between partners and intentionally NOT between other family and friends. This might include types of birth control, how to run a budget, sexual techniques and practices, who might be at fault in an argument, etc. If a couple marries in their late 20s, then they have a lifelong history of intimate help-seeking and advice-giving relationships with others. These may continue as long as the help-seeking behavior doesn't violate the intimate agreements of confidentiality for each spouse or partner. I must emphasize how crucial it is to form the "We" so that married couples avoid the damaging intrusions of family and friends into their new marriage. Marriage is the formal, state licensed and legal union between people whereas cohabitation is informal and based on simply sharing a residence. Internationally and in certain U. What are typical marriage structures? Monogamy is the marriage form permitting only one spouse at a time. Almost all marriages in the U. Monogamy implies a 1: Cohabitation is the heterosexual, bisexual, or homosexual moving in together of two partners without going through the formalities of legal marriage. Although similar in form and function, cohabitating couples live differently in many significant day-to-day aspects when compared to married couples. Also, many cohabiting couples eventually choose to marry, but their risk of divorce is higher than among couples that never cohabited. Cohabitation will be discussed more below, but it has been increasingly popular over the last 30 years. There has been a marked increase of non-married cohabiting couples over the last few decades. Multiple spouses at the same time was practiced for a few decades by members of The Church of Jesus-Christ of Latter-day Saints, "Mormons. There are groups who split off from the Mormons who continue the practice of polygamy using century-old themes of Mormon doctrine and culture. Polygamy is a marriage form permitting more than one spouse at the same time. Polygyny is marriage form permitting more than one wife at the same time and is the most common form of polygamy in the world's history. It is a deep part of China's history, and prior to World War II it was common for a Chinese man to have multiple wives and many children. A former student of mine came to class and spoke to me about her polygamous father. He raised her in a group that broke away from the Mormon congregation in the s and formed its own polygamy-based religion. She came to guest lecture to my class and described her 45 siblings, 32 brothers- and sisters-in-law, cousins, 32 second cousins, and typical meals at home of family members per meal three times per day. Figure 2 shows her rough-sketched family genogram. She asked me to conceal identifiable aspects of her family so that they may be spared any ridiculing comments or embarrassment. Her group is not the same group that the convicted former leader Warren Jeffs led. My student knew of him, but her family was governed by different leaders. To read the latest news about the polygamist group formerly led by Warren Jeffs search his name on Google. He married his year-old first wife in and had 16 children with her. Eleven years later he married his year-old second wife and had 13 children with her. Eight years later he married an year-old third wife and fathered 10 children with her. He then was asked to marry a year-old divorcee who had 6 children from another marriage, and they had one child together. He then married a year-old and her year-old sister, who were widowed from the same husband. They together brought in 3 children from other marriages. He had 6 more children with his sixth wife. About 9 children are unrelated but consider him to be a fatherly figure. Interestingly, only 3 of all these children chose to marry into polygamous relationships. When I asked my student why, she simply replied, "It's just too much work these days and it's not worth it to them. In her culture, somethings typically looked to marry to somethings I know it seems gross to us, but it is their cultural way. She felt that guys her age were like annoying brothers. Two of her brothers have multiple girlfriends on and off again but have no marriage relationships. She also said that the wives in her family called each other sister wives, and the first wife had the most authority. She felt that it was a cool thing to have 6 mothers, although she made it clear that 2 were not very affectionate. Polyandry is a marriage form permitting more than one husband at the same time. This is historically and currently rare, and if or when it was practiced, it often included the marriage of one wife to a set of brothers, who all then had sexual access to the wife. What if a person marries, divorces, marries, divorces, etc.? Serial Monogamy or Serial Polygamy is the process of establishing an intimate marriage or cohabiting relationship that eventually dissolves and is followed by another intimate marriage or cohabiting relationship that eventually dissolves, etc. So, polygamists have simultaneous multiple spouses while serial monogamists or serial polygamists have multiple spouses in a sequence of relationships. S adults will experience serial marriages and divorces. It often amazes me how much we love marriage in the United States. Many marry then divorce yet still want to be married again. Many others who suffered through their parents' unhealthy marriages and divorces also want to marry, knowing first-hand how risky that might be. Traditional roles of men and women influence how the power and marriage work out in society. Typically and throughout history families have been Patriarchal Families, meaning that males have more power and authority than females and that rights and inheritances typically pass from fathers to sons. It should be mentioned that many family power structures still lean heavily toward male power. Matriarchal Families are families in which females have more power and authority than males and rights and inheritances pass from mothers to daughter and sons. In matriarchal families, the mother is not only the social and emotional force of the family but also the economic force. More and more in the U. On 26 June , the U. Supreme Court ruled that same-sex couples have a right to marry anywhere in the United States. Typically, states register couples for legal marriage and now all states must allow heterosexual, lesbian and gay couples the right to marry. The power held by states to legalize the economic, social, spiritual, emotional, or physical union or disunion of a man and a woman is not only traditional but also enduring in U. Centuries and millennia ago, fathers, clan or kinship leaders, religious leaders, and community members had the rights to marriage that are now claimed by the state or nation. True, states don't get involved in the spiritual or physical union, they just license it or legalize it the same way they license drivers or certify the legal sale of property. Almost every year in the U. In Figure 3 below you can see just how many legal marriages were granted per divorce for the years You can quickly see that there were twice as many marriages in as divorces 8. By the year marriage rates had declined to the degree that the rates were only 6. During those same years, the US population grew by 9. Yet, both the actual rate and numbers of marriages declined and the rate and numbers of divorces declined over the same time period What does this mean? You see, the US did have more people living in it in , but fewer of them are marrying and those who are married were divorcing at a lower rate than before. For decades, newscasters and educators have warned that one in two marriages "end in divorce. Not really, since divorce never reached the actual 50 percent mark. Based on surveys of exactly how many people have ever been divorced in their lifetimes, most who study the family, specifically the divorce process will tell you that actual divorce risk are closer to 43 percent see article called "Research on Divorce: Amato in the Journal of Marriage and Family 72 June Census Bureau conducts annual surveys of the U. Table 1 represents the U. Family Types as of October 1, You will notice that marrieds comprise the largest proportion of family types in at 52 percent followed by the divorced at 10 percent, widowed at 6 percent and separated at only 2 percent. Single never marrieds are the second largest category at
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