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Understand + Get Over A BREAKUP!
Breaking up with a roommate Dear Captain, I am in a tough place with a long time close friend. My partner and I are currently roommates with this friend. He has not ever had a relationship though he claims to want one. He is not in school, volunteering, or otherwise doing anything to move forward in his life. Other notes on our and roommates situation — He does pay his portion of rent. See next point for more on that — He is not in a position to not work. He is being given cash by family members to float expenses but there is also large amounts of debt on multiple credit cards. We have a few more months on the lease, and for us all to find housing we need to inform him now. We do not plan to kick him out. It is not unsafe or abusive, but it would not be what he wants — He does not have a drug or alcohol problem I am He seems to think this type of hourly work is beneath him. At this point myself, my partner and all our mutual friends are extremely concerned about him. Conversations to try to help him or make him see reality have been unsuccessful. Having a frank conversation with him is like nailing jello to the wall. I do feel like I have some responsibility to preserve his mental health and our friendship in all this. The less you cross these streams, the better for everyone involved. Sometimes we have to deliver news to people that they are not happy about. Undoubtedly, your roommate will have feelings about that. Worry about finances and where he will live. Those are not your feelings or worries to manage right this second, if ever. Your job is to give him the information he needs to make a good decision about what to do next, without commentary on how he lives his life. It will work best if you keep it simple and direct and focused on what you need vs. Trying to soft-pedal it and leave the door open to the idea that you might reconsider will not help him unless your intention is to help him avoid things even longer. Keep repeating this script. He lived somewhere before he lived with you, and he can live somewhere else again. This guy could find another roommate situation. So, tell him the news. Keep it simple and direct. The more direct, clean, simple, and candid you are, the kinder it will be. After you tell him the news, be a friend to him. Keep the happy roommate rituals, like watching favorite shows together, going. Walking on eggshells helps nobody. You may indeed be for a rocky couple of months. The best thing you can do for him is to own your decision. Be as clean and direct as you can and give him plenty of notice. From there, do your best to remind yourselves of the things you like about him and disengage from the rest.
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